An Open Letter For My Best Friend In Heaven

“But, Chinggs, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”

'The Fault In Our Stars' became more than just a grand novel and well played movie when shared between me and you Chinggs. I miss you hugging me after I wiped my tears as we watched the movie. I miss you calling me my little infinity. I miss sharing my wildest dreams with you about going to amsterdam. I miss fangirling over ed sheeran and augustus waters with you. I miss our endless Okay? Okay.

I remember how it felt that day when you even studied the Imperial Affliction just as to make things clear for us, when we both used the words 'Okay? Okay.', when I used to call you my very own version of 'My Little Infinity', when every time boom clap is playing we'll get crazy together but when its time for Ed Sheeran to sing All of the stars we'll be fangirls on the corner. When I was crying watching, you were seated beside me focused on the movie. How the movie affected me was different from how it affected yours. Yours is amazing, I knew you realized things positively and it gave you a courage to fight even harder and stay even longer not for your sake but for the people who loves you. I remember how you fought cancer just as how Augustus fought his. Me, being Hazel Grace, giving my 10 fingers up just as she did to describe the pain when you left me.

It was so sudden that I can't grasp of what things used to when you were still here but still, you reminded me, even in my prayers, that Life must continue there will be another chapter on the book and another season in the movie with you, always in my heart. ♥

This would probably the first and last movie we've seen together. A promised has been made that I will only watch this movie again if I am with you and I know someday we will see each other soon.Someday we'll do... 

P.S Say Hi to Augustus Waters for me. 

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves.” 

Okay? ♥

Para sa brokenhearted ngayon.

Ilang beses ka na niyang binigo? Isa, dalawa o tatlo? maaaring higit pa rito pero aminin man naten o hindi ilang beses mo naring sinabing huli na to, mag lelet go na ko.

Umaasa ka pa? Oo syempre naman. Hindi kasi kadaling bitawan nalamang yung mga panahong ramdam mong kayong dalawa lang ang tao sa mundo. Sa twing kasama mo siya parang hindi mo na alam ang salitang 'Forever Alone' kasi pinaparamdam niyang siya talaga ay para sayo. Paano nga kung yun ang naramdaman mo pero hindi pala yon ang pinararamdam niya sayo? Gulo no?

Sayo feeling mo may nararamdaman siya sayo kasi espesyal ang trato niya Sa texts at lalo na sa personal. Pano nalang kung feeling mo lang yon? matapang ka kung sasabihin mo yung pagpapakahulugan mo sa mga ginagawa niya at tanungin mo siya ng harapan kung ano ba talaga kayo pero kapag titignan mo na ang mga mata niya unti-unting uurong ang mga salita at mapapalitan na lamang ng luha dahil sa mga mata niya ay makikita mo na ang laman ng puso niya.


Bakit mahirap mag let go? kasi minsan sa inakala mo siya na talaga ang para sayo pero sa twing magkakaaminan na ng tunay na nararamdaman malalaman mong hindi pala ito totoo.
Masakit umasa pero hindi ka parin tumitigil dahil yung pag-asa mong yan, yan nalang yung natitira mong literal na pag-asa na baka balang araw kayo na nga.

Sana alam to ng taong inaasahan mo, yung tipong "hello brad, makiramdam ka naman." tapos ang mga susunod na e "pagod na ko." deretso "Let go ko na to" tapos sa isang pagkakataon lang na mag uusap ulit kayo babalik ka sa "Ikaw na talaga." Pa ikot-ikot, matagal, nakakapagod pero brad mag-laan ka naman ng panahon sa sarili mo hindi naman habang buhay e kayo dahil minsan ang salitang "tayo" e totoo pero sa panahon ngayon ito ay mananatiling ilusyon.  Minsan ibaling mo din yung paningin mo sa ibang direksyon hindi lang naman talaga siya ang lalaki sa mundo.

May nakapag sabi sakin ng mga salitang to:

"Huwag mong asahan ang mga dapat mong asahan kasi sa huli masasaktan ka lang."

--Umaasa
/PS. Note to Self/
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